It's a Town Full of Losers

Today's big story was all about Goldman Sachs and the searing New York Times Op-Ed piece "Why I'm Leaving Goldman Sachs."

There was quite a bit of speculation that the Op-Ed's author, Greg Smith, a 12 year  employee and one with some corporate credibility, currently at the London office, was the man behind the snarky Twitter account, GSElevator, that recounts comments allegedly overheard on the Goldman Sachs elevator.

Clearly, he couldn't possibly be the mystery man behind that account, otherwise it would have been called "GSLift."

When I say "currently," I mean that Smith was a Goldman Sach employee as of yesterday. I'm  sure that if the Op-Ed appeared during his planned final few hours on the job, security would have figured out some way to escort him out the window or down the lift shaft.

When you put all of this together with the fact that Smith reportedly won a bronze metal in the Maccabiah Games in Table Tennis, you have the makings of a great John Carter-esque blockbuster.

A couple of things about Goldman Sachs.

I haven't owned shares in about two weeks and missed yesterday's 6% climb after JP Morgan leaked its "Stress Test" results, dividend increase and stock buy-back plans. Goldman Sachs was among a very small handful of stocks that helped lead me out of the morass from a few years ago when I picked up shares at about $85 and aggressively sold covered calls, riding it up and then occasionally down.

I last owned shares and had them assigned at $115, two weeks in a row. I like today's drop, but it's still not enough to entice me to get the shares again.

Nonetheless, I love Goldman Sachs almost as much as I don't love Dick Bove.

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Zombie Bystander

With the exception of "Shaun of the Dead," I've missed the entire Zombie and Vampire fad.

I am totally ripped. however.

Having cultural roots in the land that gave us the original Vampire I still have no interest, even while I check the Hungarian stock market close on a daily basis and keep hoping that my unspent Forints from a few years ago can be converted into something more valuable than bird cage liner.

Somehow, though, neither Vampires nor Zombies will ever have much of a long term impact on my life.

Today, as the market was having a rare 2012  triple digit day, it did, as I was a Zombie Bystander all through the session.

In the past, I would have called that a "Buy and Hold" kind of guy and would probably have added a derisive sneer, but in a diplomatic and non-judgmental sort of way.

It didn't start with a whisper. It didn't start with a bite from an infected Zombie, nor did it start with my genetic makeup. Lord knows that I've aged, despite having that Vampire blood circulating sluggishly through my veins.

With Sugar Momma out west with her "home girls" for a week, Laszlo the Dachshund and I have been on our own and living the lives of carefree bachelors, which includes wearing hideously colored Grinch flannel pajama pants to collect the mail.

If pressed, I would defend myself by saying that the Grinch outfit was a gift from Sugar Momma and wearing them all day was just a way to break down the distance for the week.

Sugar Momma is somewhat of a snob when it comes to two things and two things only.

Wine and coffee.

Whereas I must have my coffee, I really don't have the same level of appreciation that she does for Starbucks or her favorite, Peet's, which reminds her of her carefree Berkeley days.

In fact, if anything, these days, I've entirely changed my mind about Starbucks.

At one time, despite the fact that I knew about their decadently fattening and cholesterol soaked offerings, that probably shave years off a loyal customer's life span, they still gave off an air that followed along Google's mantra of "Don't be evil." That mantra derives from Google's 6th point of their 10 point corporate philosophy.

"You can still make money without doing evil."

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Case of the Mondays

I spent more than my usual share of time this weekend re-watching old movies on Comedy Central.

If you read yesterday's blog, "Market Crashers," you'd already know one of the movies. Despite what your mother may have said about how TV will kill your brain cells, I find it useful for creative inspiration. Besides, that's much easier than having to actually interact with anyone.

Although I have no doubt that I am beginning to lose some of those brain cells, I'll never pin it on my viewing habits. One of the really great things about starting to lose some of those brain cells is that regardless of how many times you see a movie or a show, somehow it still manages to surprise. I'm sure that I've written that before, but even then, it's still funny, in a poignant sort of way, to me.

See what I mean.

That was also the case watching the cult classic "Ofice Space," on Comedy Central, the cable station where commercial failures go for new life.

It probably works out that way because it's really hard to smoke weed in the movie theater during the first run of movies that go on to become cult classics. It's also hard to make it to the theater if you started smoking weed beforehand, thinking that the weed is way overpriced at the concession stand.

The cult, in case you didn't know, smokes lots of weed. There's no other plausible explanation for why the mere mention of "TPS Reports" elicits spasms of laughter.

Right.

As opposed to much of the world, and definitely the downtrodden characters in "Office Space," I always look forward to Mondays. In fact, even when I was a contributing member of society, I had nothing against Mondays.

These days, the only Mondays that I don't care for are the Federal holidays, with all due respect to dead Presidents, laborers and others deserving of retail sales events. It's all simply because the stock markets are closed.

Otherwise, Mondays are like a re-birth.

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I'll Take My Chances

Maybe it's just a coincidence, but recently it seems that every story that I want to recount has to be preceded with the qualifier "years ago." I guess that spending the vast majority of my time sitting on the La-Z-Boy makes it difficult to come up with new adventures.

And when I say recently, I mean like in the past 10 years.

And so it was, years ago that I had tickets to see Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band in concert.

That was at a time that concert tickets were come by honestly. There was certainly no internet to facilitate the ability to corner the market and extort ridiculously high prices from the faithful.

Interestingly, the Seger concert was supposed to occur at about the same time the Hunt Brothers had tried to corner the silver market.

Given today's giant move in silver, the Hunt Brothers may have been right all along, just many years too early.

Still, it's always nice to be vindicated.

As it would turn out there was no silver bullet to cure the throat infection that Seger had picked up just prior to the concert that ended up being cancelled.

As opposed to the controversy surrounding Aretha Franklin's withdrawal from performing at Whitney Houston's funeral service due to illness and then subsequently performing that evening, no one really questioned Seger's sincerity, as it was undoubtedly a less cynical era in history beneath the haze.

"I'll take my chances babe, I'd risk it all'" still ring out to me.

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We are All Sinners

I have no business giving advice to anyone or making predictions. My track record is pretty abysmal.

I'm also a sinner.

Years ago, when running for the Presidency, Jimmy Carter, the Governor of Georgia, a gentleman peanut farmer, Naval Academy graduate and nuclear engineer (there's a combination you don't hear often) showed the good judgment to submit to a Playboy interview.

Probably the most memorable part of the article, beside the full frontal view of the future president in a man thong, was his admission that he had  lusted in his heart and "commited adultery in my heart many times."

If you're unaware, the adultery thing is big. Big enough to have made it into the Top Ten Sins list.

Just imagine that if coveting your neighbor's wife made the list, just how badly adultery must trump coveting.

To this day, no other Presidential wannabe has submitted to a Playboy interview, not even Bill Clinton, of "boxers versus briefs" fame and other things..

The point of this is that in 10 presidential election cycles, I've only correctly picked the ultimate winner just 3 times. So you really don't want to follow my path.

I'm completely agnostic as to political party when it comes to national elections and have always voted along a "who has the best chance of losing?" platform.

I've even been known to vote for a third party candicate if it meant preserving my voting record.

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Starting the Year Right

Maybe I wasn't listening very carefully today, but this year in the stock market seems to be getting off on the right foot.

For me, that has nothing to do with a 200 point gain, but it has everything to do with platitudes and what is frequently assumed to be the "conventional wisdom" not making their annual appearances.

Okay, maybe the 200 point gain has something to do with it, but I like to think that I'm bigger than that, even though I know that my superficiality won't take me there.

Specifically, getting off on the right foot means that there was a noticeable absence of anyone getting on the typical first trading day of the year talking points.

In the years that I've been fairly addicted to business television the beginning of the year stories are always the same.

Dogs of the Dow, January stock rally, retail sales revisions come in better than expected, Super Bowl Indicator theory and so on.

There's usually also some human interest story, like the twins born in different years.

Great stuff.

I guess I'm so sensitized to these kinds of stories that the recent nightmare I had made so much sense.

Listening to Dana Telsey describe how thisyear, once again Chinese restaurants and movie theaters in major metropolitan areas saw 30% of their annual profits maerialize during the week between Christmas and New Years.

So far, there hasn't even been a summary of best and worst performers, although that has to be related to my inattention.

Although, still, its absence may be plausible. I guess when you can go an entire year and not see anything change in the S&P 500 level, it's almost as if the year had never happened, other than memories of the vomiting during the up and down segments of the ride.

That's exactly why you need to sit in the front row of the roller coaster. Staying ahead of the curve works. Sitting behind someone who vomits doesn't.

Now to be totally fair, I did hear someone refer to the "Dogs of the Dow" theory on Friday, but did so only in the context of pointing out that the list for 2012 looks pretty much like the list for 2011.

That's not the way it's supposed to work, so maybe that explains today's silence. Of course, that silence may make adhering to the theory a good idea, were it not for the stocks involved.

After the past week, which was so utterly boring, it really was nice to see a definitive move, especially in a higher direction, but I pretty much traded myself out for the day after the first 60 minutes.

I'm not usually prone to making New Year's resolutions, but I did so this year.

The first, has already been satisfied.

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I Hate Homework

I first started watching Jim Cramer when he was teamed with Larry Kudlow. Their show, interestingly enough called "Kudlow and Cramer" for a reason that has been lost to history, was an evocative blend of financial and political analyses.

I used to watch the show with Szelhamos. He really enjoyed Cramer. Partially that was due to the Lenin-like appearance and probably to some degree owed to the raw emotion and enthusiasm.

I think he also liked Cramer's teeth.Szelhamos judged everything by its teeth. Horses, people, watches.

He would have loved Mad Money, but never got the opportunity. I can actually just picture the look on his face had he ever had the privilege of watching a chair get flung across the studio.

Cramer blocks my tweets, probably due to a misinterpretation of the title of a blog entry "Why I No Longer Watch Jim Cramer."  Although it may also be related to the ill-advised combination of toilet paper and egg home decor that I provided one drunken morning when he got the booth I had my eyes on at The Olive Garden.

Because of that, I won't include the photo of me at what would go on to become the Mad Money studio set, when I auditioned for the part years ago. To see that, you'd have to actually click here.

In hindsight, I should have gone with the goatee, chucked the sports jacket and not sat down.

Regardless, his transition over to Mad Money came at a very critical time during my own investing development and subsequent plunge into managing my own portfolio after 25 years with a trusted broker.

I think that I learned a great many things during the years that I watched the show. In fact, as I used to travel quite a bit back in those days, I actually recorded shows to DVD to carry along with me.

There must be a word for that, but I'm not going to dig up Sugar Momma's copy of the most recent DSM-IV diagnostic terms.

Crazy is crazy.

Among the things that Cramer preached was doing your homework. He always recommended one hour per stock, per week. Because of that heavy time load, he also had a corollary recommendation that you shouldn't own more than 10 stocks at any time.

As he used to say, "What are you? A mutual fund?"

Point very well made.

But on deaf ears.

Even though I was always a good student, those deaf ears weren't really physically incapable, they just had a hard time listening.

You know the kind of person that I am.

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Re-invention

Years ago I remember hearing a factoid that suggested the average person changed careers 3 to 4 times in a lifetime.

Not jobs, but careers.

I have absolutely no interest in trying to track the source of that tidbit down, nor do I care whether it's really true or not. I've always believed that it was and for the longest time marvelled at how that could ever be possible.

The problem, with me, that is, was that I was looking at it with my own perspective. After all why kind of career change does a Dentist make? Sure some go on to specialize, as if that's really a change.

In the past, I'd thought of pursuing a Law degree on an MBA, but the likelihood would be that armed with either of those, I'd probably still be involved in some aspect of healthcare, so it wouldn't be much of a change.

In my own sort of smug way I could envision a guy pumping gas in New Jersey switching careers and perhaps instead loading shipments with funny sounding names in an IKEA dock,

Now that's a career change.

The other day, as I do just about everyday after first checking the futures, the New York Times Obituary pages and Dilbert, I read James Altucher's blog.

I've mentioned and referred to him a number of imes before, so I won't do it all over again, except to say that his recent blog "My Lawyer is Dead" struck me with a single line:

"....this is what I do. It's too late for me to do anything else."

I don't know how old the professionally unhappy attorney was at the time of that comment, but Altucher readers know that by age 49 he was gone.

As in "dead."

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Does it Pay to be Mean?

Probably from even before the time that ancient cave dwellers were able to make wall drawings people have been asking the question.

"Why does it seem that the evil among us thrive?"

The corollary, "Why do bad things happen to good people" is frequently asked and was the topic of a very popular book in the early 1980's.

That particular book may in fact be the last one that I've read, but I'm not certain if there's a connection.

Whatever version you take or don't take your Ten Commandments, it's clear that good behavior has to be spelled out as do the choices that should be made.

Don't kill.

Oh. Don't. Don't kill. My bad.

I'm not a particularly deep or profound thinker although I took many more than my fair share of philosophy and theology classes in college. In all likelihood I owe my inability to recall any discussions of good versus evil due to an everpresent fog.

Watching episodes of COPS week in and out over the past quarter century it's clear that the likelihood or high probability of reward is not what drives people to do evil things.

In those cases it's probably stupidity mixed in equal parts with alcohol that's responsible for the repeated journeys down the wrong path.

Sometimes it's profit motive.

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Not So Precious

Today was one of those days that if you were an investor in gold you might be able to remember where you were on this day even 20 years from now.

In fact, I remember where I was 30 years ago when the bottom fell out from under gold and silver. I actually was invested in futures at the time. Not quite as much as the Hunt Brothers, but for me, I was invested much more than I should have been by any measure of sanity.

Fast forward and imagine gold driving away in a white Bronco on the LA freeway. Maybe good advertising for Ford, but not so good for retaining the adjective "precious" in front of your metals holdings.

If you're Mr. T your personal net worth plummeted today, but even if you could jump off the ship you would likely sink wih whatever holdings remained, unlike your Captain, who had the foresight to jump ship earlier, with the lone flotation device aboard, without alerting the crew and those that trusted him to guide them on their journey.

Metaphor? Not really.

Captain Gartman. Good move driving that Bronco and jumping that ship.

Did I mention that he took the map that also gave the location of all the sharks in the water?

I don't own gold in any investment form, unless you count the potential value of my body if all of its component elements are sold upon my demise. I didn't get those dental crowns as an investment. I got them because of bad habits.

Too bad there's no market for cholesterol.

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