Weekend Update

I had a hard time getting myself out of a deep blue funk in order to write this week's "Weekend Update."

No, not because of a gut wrenching week in the market, the week treated me just fine.

For you see, it turned out, as I awoke this morning, that I had not won the $640 Million Mega-Millons Grand Prize.

Forget the fact that I won a $2 voucher at the time of my ticket purchase and chose to cash it in rather than re-invest and forget the fact that I won another $7 by virtue of having 3 of the numbers,

Believe it or not, it was the $640 million that I'd set my sights on.

Sure, the $8 net return on the $1 investment was good, but still a far cry from real triumph.

But, not to let a good thing go to waste, I may pick up a few hundred million shares of Sino-Forest.

This past week, I actually started looking for the coming week's potential plays on Thursday and was hoping certain depressed prices would hold, because I was anxious to re-play some previous positions.

One of those was selling puts in Focus Media again, a distant relative to Sino Forest, although at some point we're likely to find out that the distance was never really terribly great.

Unfortunately, it only offers monthly options. Too much can happen between now and the three weeks until expiration. Equally unfortunately, it's one of those Chinese companies, so you never can really tell what's going on. But that is what helps to explain very enticing premiums.

If you dare.

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Weekend Update

This has been a busy week, but not so much for me.

It figures that on the week that the blog begins its apperance as an offerng by Amazon Kindle Subscription services that I would miss two days worth of blogging.

But only in America can you choose to pay for a subscription service to have a blog delivered directly to your Kindle when you could just as easily opt to not read the blog online.

And for free.

What really doesn't figure is that there are actual subscribers.

First of all, special thanks to Tony Vahl of The Original Daily Skew for authoring a guest blog this week. I had enough foresight to arrange for that, but not enough to consider the fact that I might be somewhat under the weather. So much so, that I barely even made trades for two days and when I did, I think they were through the lens of a Percocet fueled analyst.

As if I ever practiced any form of analysis.

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Everyone Needs an Escape Strategy

It's good to have strategies in most aspects of life.

Exit and escape strategies seem to be be especially important and have lots of attention paid to them.

Pre-nuptual agreements and Living Wills come to mind. I have only one of those two, because Sugar Momma wouldn't let me have both. My guess is that if I had pressed hard for the one that I don't have, there'd be no reason for the other.

She would have seen to it that there would be no lingering coma.

Being Monday, I had money in my pocket from stock assignments and as usual had an uncontrollable need to spend that money, just like a big kid in his own version of a candy store.

What made today a little different was that I had a minor procedure scheduled just a bit after noontime, so I felt a need to have that money escape my clutches in a very abbreviated period of time.

No problem with that.

My strategy was to spend money recklessly until the nearly 30% of my portfolio was redeployed.

I could have taken the easy way and escaped the responsibility of actually thinking and just bought some Berkshire Hathaway shares. But the big boy version doesn't have options trading associated with the shares, as if I was really able to pick up a multiple of 100 shares of those.

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I Hate Homework

I first started watching Jim Cramer when he was teamed with Larry Kudlow. Their show, interestingly enough called "Kudlow and Cramer" for a reason that has been lost to history, was an evocative blend of financial and political analyses.

I used to watch the show with Szelhamos. He really enjoyed Cramer. Partially that was due to the Lenin-like appearance and probably to some degree owed to the raw emotion and enthusiasm.

I think he also liked Cramer's teeth.Szelhamos judged everything by its teeth. Horses, people, watches.

He would have loved Mad Money, but never got the opportunity. I can actually just picture the look on his face had he ever had the privilege of watching a chair get flung across the studio.

Cramer blocks my tweets, probably due to a misinterpretation of the title of a blog entry "Why I No Longer Watch Jim Cramer."  Although it may also be related to the ill-advised combination of toilet paper and egg home decor that I provided one drunken morning when he got the booth I had my eyes on at The Olive Garden.

Because of that, I won't include the photo of me at what would go on to become the Mad Money studio set, when I auditioned for the part years ago. To see that, you'd have to actually click here.

In hindsight, I should have gone with the goatee, chucked the sports jacket and not sat down.

Regardless, his transition over to Mad Money came at a very critical time during my own investing development and subsequent plunge into managing my own portfolio after 25 years with a trusted broker.

I think that I learned a great many things during the years that I watched the show. In fact, as I used to travel quite a bit back in those days, I actually recorded shows to DVD to carry along with me.

There must be a word for that, but I'm not going to dig up Sugar Momma's copy of the most recent DSM-IV diagnostic terms.

Crazy is crazy.

Among the things that Cramer preached was doing your homework. He always recommended one hour per stock, per week. Because of that heavy time load, he also had a corollary recommendation that you shouldn't own more than 10 stocks at any time.

As he used to say, "What are you? A mutual fund?"

Point very well made.

But on deaf ears.

Even though I was always a good student, those deaf ears weren't really physically incapable, they just had a hard time listening.

You know the kind of person that I am.

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Not So Precious

Today was one of those days that if you were an investor in gold you might be able to remember where you were on this day even 20 years from now.

In fact, I remember where I was 30 years ago when the bottom fell out from under gold and silver. I actually was invested in futures at the time. Not quite as much as the Hunt Brothers, but for me, I was invested much more than I should have been by any measure of sanity.

Fast forward and imagine gold driving away in a white Bronco on the LA freeway. Maybe good advertising for Ford, but not so good for retaining the adjective "precious" in front of your metals holdings.

If you're Mr. T your personal net worth plummeted today, but even if you could jump off the ship you would likely sink wih whatever holdings remained, unlike your Captain, who had the foresight to jump ship earlier, with the lone flotation device aboard, without alerting the crew and those that trusted him to guide them on their journey.

Metaphor? Not really.

Captain Gartman. Good move driving that Bronco and jumping that ship.

Did I mention that he took the map that also gave the location of all the sharks in the water?

I don't own gold in any investment form, unless you count the potential value of my body if all of its component elements are sold upon my demise. I didn't get those dental crowns as an investment. I got them because of bad habits.

Too bad there's no market for cholesterol.

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The Spilled Milk Bounce

I grew up in a household where in my early years English was decidedly a second language.

Even as my parents quickly became fluent in speaking and reading the language of their adopted country, one thing that they didn't adopt was the use of classically American idiomatic expressions.

Although I'm certain that most such expressions have their counterparts in other cultures, our household, at the very least was idiomatically deprived. Adages were never tossed about as part of casual converstaion, nor were parables frequently used to teach life lessons.

Well, other than the obvious "Never let a Cossack into your home while your daughters are there alone."

In fact, while I did quite well on the SAT exams, I'm certain that what kept me from having an asterisk next to my name was the fact that deciphering the meanings of such expressions as part of a multiple choice exam was somehing beyond my naturalized ability.

The exam was just culturally biased against me and probably even against those that did the actual marauding, raping and pillaging. Those poor Cossacks never stood a chance.

Over the years, though, I've learned some of the very basics, although I don't seek to apply them under any circumstances, except maybe to illustrate a point, almost like what an idiom tries to do.

Silver Lining? Got it, every cloud has one.

Don't s**t where you sleep? Got that one too. Damn good advice.

But last week I was following a path opposite that advised by another popular expression: "Don't cry over spilled milk."

I suppose that in the affluence of America that certainly holds true, but how could you even think to say that in parts of Bangladhesh? Or how can you even remotely suggest that to someone who's let stock profits disappear into someone else's pockets?

For them, it's the end of the world as they know it.

But I get it. It's done. It's over. Move on. Sunk costs, etc.

But there I was last week moaning the losses of some favorite stocks as they closed above the strike prices at which I sold their call contracts.

One, which I only passingly mentioned over the past few days was Halliburton.

Halliburton, like my other favorites is such, because it predictably spins off a nice options premium. Unfortunately, it's not one of my triple threat stocks because it has only a pathetic dividend.

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Jury Duty

I'm a fairly boring guy. I don't think I've ever initiated a social interaction in my life. Which works out well with my sedentary lifestyle that has me tethered to the La-Z-Boy, only occasionally reaching out for my keyboard and mouse.

The fact that La-Z-Boy stock surged today didn't do much for me as I've never owned the stock, only the lifestyle.

Yet, despite immensely enjoying my sedentary lifestyle, today I learned that there are consequences. Seeing a family of field mice escape from my stomach folds while I was being measured by a tailor for pant alterations was embarrasing, but it's not as if I'll ever see that tailor again.

At least, not if Immigration and Naturalization arrives before next Tuesday, 5 PM.

The very idea that my elastic banded Jorts weren't going to fit me for life hasn't really caused my to rethink the physical aspect of sedentary life, just as long as that cognitive part keeps on moving.

However, that comfort and solitude promises to be disrupted as I've received my first ever notice to be called for jury duty.

Since I went to a high school that was focused on math and the sciences, that didn't leave too much time for civics lessons. My guess is that a class mate of mine, David Viniar who has served as CFO of Goldman Sachs did find the time to take Civics classes in secret, because I've heard no one impugn his name or reputation over the past few difficult years over at Goldman.

But yeah, I know that it's my responsibility. Yeah, yeah, I've heard it before.

Here's the thing.

Not that I'm complaining, but the county that I live in has almost no meaningful crime.

Sure, if its your mailbox that's been knocked over it's pretty major. But if I'm going to do anything, whether it's social or civic duty related, I want it to be exciting.

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Not Feeling It

Maybe its the fact that we just came off a 300 point climb.

Maybe it's because its been nothing but rainy and dreary all day long, but despite what was looking like nearly a 100 point run up on Tuesday, I just wasn't feeling it and couldn't really get in the game today.

Maybe it was because Silver wasn't exhibiting its recent paroxysmal and alternating direction behavior.

More than likely, though, my lack of enthusiasm today was probably strongly related to the fact that my portfolio under-performed the market all through the day.

That was thanks to Amazon, Netflix and Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, which, wouldn't you know it, led the portfolios to out-perform the markets on Monday.

You can have Yin or you can have Yang, but not both, unless their conjoined twins, in which case they might be more appropriately referred to as "Siamese."

Whatever the root cause, I was antsy.

Not only was I not feeling it, but it may have been contagious.

The news that the parent of American Airlines was going into bankruptcy wasn't terribly interesting, either. The only thought that occured to me was that at its closing stock price, it would take about 25 shares of AMR to purchase an in-flight alcoholic beverage.

Even in boredom I amuse myself, but no such luck with AMR shareholders. I suppose they just weren't feeling it.

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Sherpa Wanted

Having spent the day in search of a mystical "vortex" high atop some mountain in Sedona, my eyes have been opened to a greater truth.

Of course, it's entirely possible that the eye opening occured as direct result of the 11 AM wine tasting. There's nothing better than a sampling of Arizona varietals to get you ready to hike up a mountain or two, or even better, to help you forget about hiking up a mountain or two.

I began to wonder at what point could you no longer justify starting to drink so early on the two hour time change.

7 years?

Guidance and preparation is the key to everything. We all need a personal Sherpa through all phases of our lives.

They do the work and you get the glory.

Everyone out here knows of the "vortex," but their locations aren't publicized widely. You have to find them on your own, given only some rough information.

None of the locals have ever gone to the sacred spots. That has to tell you something, but then again, it took my moving from New York before I ever made it to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

I'll always be grateful to Sherpa Snoopy.

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Got Anything Better to Do?

The other day was a perfect sign of the doldrums we're in at the moment.

No. it wasn't the boring day in the stock market that I discussed yesterday. And sure, today was more of the same.

Regardless of how boring these first two days of the week have been, no one that I know is about to complain about the extra 200 points that have been tacked on to the Dow in the absence of any tangible news. Since I don't consort with short sellers for the most part, everyone I know has been happy with the relative calmness of the past two days and happily accepted the added bonus of gains.

Actually, as I look at my Google+ circle I guess I really don't consort with anyone, unless geometry now allows you to define a circle on the basis of a single point.`

In what seems a lifetime, I haven't heard anyone mention the word "volatility" or use the phrase "risk on/risk off." For that matter, "catch a falling knife" and "rip your face off rally" have also taken much needed breaks. Although that, too, may be related to my lack of circle size.

But I do watch lots of TV and those sounds have been silent.

What could have been a day of great excitement on Tuesday turned into just another great yawner as Italy failed to live up to diminished expectations.

Conrad Murray guilty of involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson?

Yawn.

Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy, set to resign once economic reforms are passed?

Yawn.

But the real sign of the boredom that's set in centered on the latest Republican dynamics in their contest for the 2012 GOP Presidential nominee.

Had you not known better, you would have thought that the debate a few nights ago from Las Vegas was part of the process of coming down to the wire with the last remaining and surviving candidates.

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