Come on Eileen

What's in the Szelhamos Portfolio?

By 11 AM on Tuesday the market had calmed somewhat, but the jury was still out.

Listening to Ben Bernanke, our venerable Chairman of the Federal Reserve, answering Congressional committee questions, it's comforting to know that he's calm, under very trying circumstances.

In fact, even the committee members seemed somewhat subdued, maybe even reverential. Truthfully? To me they looked as if they had had some Kool-Aid.

More surprisingly, some of them even seemed to be asking real questions and not looking for the local news sound bite. Sean Duffy. Never heard of him, but he really asked insightful questions. He even got Bernanke to suggest the mechanism of valuing Treasuries may be tantamount to a QE3.

This morning's Plunge du jour was courtesy of some Belgian bank, Dexia, which apparently is a major player in the Eurozone sovereign debt arena. They seem to be having some short term funding issues.

Most Americans don't even know that Belgium exists. Sure, they've heard of the waffles and maybe even the fries, but few know anything about Belgium or its two state system.

Fewer, will have ever heard of "Dexia".

I know that I haven't, yet today, it's rocking my world.

I must admit, when I first heard of Dexia, my thoughts went to that one hit wonder band, Dexy's Midnight Runners and their hit, "Come on EIleen".

That song is particularly meanigful to me because it was receiving incessant airplay when I first met the woman who would go on to become my Sugar Momma. We still both enjoy that song some 28 years later.

Still rocks my world.

But the other thing that came to mind was "dexies" which is just another name for Dextroamphetamine, such as the active ingredient in Dexedrine, which just happens to be a key ingredient of crystal methamphetamine.

For the few non-druggies that read my drivel, "dexies" are used in the management of ADHD, that 20th century malady that we all suffer from.

How it works, no one really knows, because "Dexies" are actually a stimulant, but has paradoxical actions in people correctly diagnosed with ADHD.

Based on the way today worked out, I'm of a frame of mind to believe that "dexies" played a pivotal role all through the day.

Looking at the subdued tone during the Congressional hearings, the only possible explanation is that all of the Type A, extraordinarily hyperactive members of Congress, and their equally hyped staff members, must have had their bottled water tampered with. There is no other plausible explanation for the absence of insanity and fidgeting, calling out of order and all of those other uncontrollable behaviors usually displayed during these hearings.

The typical roomful of alpha males was well controlled and orderly.

Strangely, they were channeling "One Flew over the Cuckkoo's Nest".

While Bernanke was in his usual calm state of mind and tone, his responses reassured investors and the market made up about 150 points.

Unfortunately, that euphoria didn't last long and the market made its way to a 200+ loss going into the final minutes.

What we then witnessed was a very memorable, although probably not unprecedented, 400 point turnaround in about 30 minutes.

I looked up the half life of "dexies". That is the amount of time that it takes to clear half of the active ingredient out of one's system

Why is that important?

Do you recall a recent study that showed that there is a high association between hyperactive personalities and successful careers on Wall Street and business in general?

Neither do I, just go with it.

Now the conventional wisdom is that the market started its turnaround when the Financial Times of London published a report that the European Finance Ministers were looking seriously into the Greek debt crisis.

Maybe I'm wrong, but to me that meant that they hadn't been doing so previously. Couldn't we just have avoided these past two months of agony if only they had started looking for solutions, say in August?

Maybe that month long August vacation extended into September this year. No one on the continent really wants to do any "serious looking" until well after the end of summer.

So any reasonably rational person knows that news could not possibly have driven the market to that stunning turnaround.

Based on my extensive research into neuropsychiatric arbitrage, it's clear to me that somewhere around 3:30 PM all of the paradoxical actions of those dexies had dissipated, leaving a universe of money starved traders with lots of pent up energy and the need to dominate the room.

And they did in an unscripted concordant symphony of buying.

It was as uncontrolled as any off the medication kid would be after a couple of cotton candy cones. Just imagination an entire classroom filled with medication lapsed ADHD kids and then multiply that by a lot.

Going into the early Bernanke Bump I took a small plunge and picked up some shares of the very badly beaten down Morgan Stanley at about $12.13. I did as I'm programmed to do and quickly sold October 2011 $13 options.

I don't mind that Morgan Stanley closed the day at $13.90. I hope it goes to $25, even though I'll lose my shares at $13. Even with assignment, my ROI would be about 20% for less than 3 weeks of holding.

I liked that so much, that I picked up even more shares at $12.50

Last month I did the same with the beleagured Bank of New York. My shares were assigned and I happily moved onward. Just in time, because at the close of Tuesday's trading Bank of New York found itself on the short side of the New York State Attorney General over some foreign currency trading action that allegedly defrauded pension funds in excess of $2 Billion.

Glad I moved on.

The rest of the day was just a series of disappointments.

No Chris Christie run for the GOP nomination, although he did publicly endorse the new Wendy's line of hamburgers.

At the same time, Apple's new CEO Tim Cook failed to dazzle with the iPhone 4s introduction. Everyone was expecting an iPhone 5.

Yawn. Although the video of Chrisite eating a deep fried iPhone 4s was a nice touch.

And with nothing but disappointing news, the market could do just one things, that is if you believe in that kind of cause and effect.

I don't, especially since this neutrino faster than light discovery raises doubt about the whole concept of cause and effect.

Instead, I think it's the dexies at play that are to blame.

Sometimes you crash after the amphetamines wear down, especially if they were being used to manufacture crystal meth.

But I doubt that's what was going on during the congressional hearings, probably just plain old dexies there.

As far as the trading floor goes, I'm not quite as certain.

The turnaround in the market today was mirrored in the weather here.

It had been a few cold, dreary and rainy days, but then at about noontime, the sun burst out.

Just in time for a Szelhamos birthday celebration and just in time for those 400 much needed points.

Today would have been Szelhamos' 89th birthday.

Years ago, so the story goes, on one particular day I was being especially testing of my mother's nerves and she said to me in her finest Hungarian "On one nice day you're going to put me in my grave".

I was told that my response was "today's a nice day".

I probably should have been on dexies.

But today turned out to be a nice day all around.

Happy 153 points, Happy Birthday.

Invest like TheAcsMan

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Appropriate Behavior is a Moving Target

A few weeks ago I wrote about why I loved modern times.

This past Friday, I had an opportunity to put my admiration for technology to work.

Although I was an early adapter of technology, having set up a Novell network back when it was v1.1 and the people in Orem, Utah knew me on a first name basis, I was very slow to pursue the personal technology explosion.

Mostly because I non't really believe in personal relations. Remember, I have no Facebook friends.

I resisted the temptation of Palm Pilots, I eschewed all things iAnything and my personal cell phone has always been antiquated, although its tethering cords are spun of fine silk.

Admittedly, I've have some wanderlust for the iPad, but I know that once I make that plunge, the "cool factor" will officially be gone, so I allow the world to remain giddy while I stay unconnected.

In many ways, I'm still stuck in 1986, which was a very good year, including the birth of my first son and the last time my beloved New York Mets won the World Series. In many other ways, though, I go back much further.

But my 19th century sojourn in the land of cellphones past ended a few months ago when my son picked up a smart phone for me, as part of a "BOGO" deal.

Now, I'm an emotional cripple if my Droid battery dies on me, which it does seemingly every 15 minutes. Fortunately, most days I'm glued to the La-Z-Boy and all electronics are plugged and charging.

This past week was really my first test of personal integrity and respect of institutions, decorum and education.

Although I am essentially retired from professional life, I was attending a professional conference in New York City, that for all purposes, marked the end of my commitment to the organization that represents my healthcare specialty.

My final Board of Directors meeting was on this past Friday, from 9 AM to 1 PM.

But instead of paying much attention and contributing whatever wisdom remained in the now smoothened ex-fissures of my brain, I focused on my trusted Droid and its E*Trade application, although I occasionaly checked Twitter and read my daily Dilbert.

With every Friday now being an options expiration Friday, I really didn't feel that I had the luxury of paying attention to such issues as promoting life-long learning.

Did I really want to analyze budgets and P/L statements?

Not really. I wanted to make some trades and my Droid was my "bestest" friend. After all, even a couple of hundred dollars on an options contract expiring in a few hours was a worthwhile endeavor.

It just took time, effort and attention to find the right trading opportunities and the willingness to close my mond to other things going on around me.

My Sugar Momma of a wife would say that I was already quite good at that.

Now if I had happened on a student acting the way I was acting just a few short years ago, I probably would have had some very sarcastic, humorous comment that would have superficially covered some deeply seated anger over the wanton display of disrespect.

Man, I should have been a therapist.

But here I was, being the disrespectful kind of guy that I never really cared for, unless they could do it without getting caught.

Those guys I respected.

But I didn't even make any attempt to hide my lack of focus on the topic at hand. It's not like I hid the phone in my lap. I was fully engaged in a behavior that had evolved to a point that it seemed entirely appropriate.

Besides, I was too busy trading to care. I sold some JP Morgan Chase $43 calls that were set to expire later that day, as well as some Time-Warner calls, right after Time Warner went ex-dividend.

I made enough that morning to make me happy for a week and it at least makes up for Monday's day off, due to Memorial Day.

After the meeting was over and the market closed, I remained holding my JP Morgan shares, as the options expired worthless, although I did lose some other holdings, owing to a late surge in SPY and Freeport McMoran..

Later in the day, as we sat with some friends in an Ale House, I was thinking about my behavior earlier that morning. It really didn't take much to get me to rationalize my "multi-tasking", particularly in light of the continuing education program the following morning on ADHD and OCD, but still, I felt as if I had behaved inappropriately.

As I had not yet dismissed any guilt over the morning, I re-directed my attention and admired the framed  collection of 1986 New York Mets baseball cards hanging on the wall. At that moment, we were all unaware of the news that was going to hit in a couple of days, that Gary Carter, "The Kid" had a rapidly growing inoperable brain tumor.

His card was front and center among a collection of great New York Mets stars, some of whom went to to inglory, wasting great talents and robbing the Mets of a potential dynasty.

Gary Carter was the conscience of the Mets back then. He was the leader and had a work ethic and zeal that was second to none.

To be both "The Kid" and the elder statesman of the team says quite a bit.

I don't know very much about Carter's life after professional baseball, but I imagine that he applied the same sort of zeal and enthusiasm to everything he did.

In my mind, Carter's behavior probably had not evolved, or from some perspectives on modern culture, devolved to meet society's changing directions.

Apparently, I don't have the same kind of moral compass.

During the lecture on Saturday morning, very possibly the last lecture I will ever sit through, I resisted playing with my electronic umbilicus for as long as I could.

As I looked at more and more slides on the topic, I decided that I had ADHD, and as such, I could excuse my need to shift my focus.

Unfortunately, the markets are closed on Saturdays, but still, there was no shortage of games to play, news articles to read or Twitter posts to make.

Reprehensible behavior? Maybe so to the me of a few years ago.

Today, not so much, but deep down, I probably wished that I could maintain the effusive energy and commitment to tradition as Gary Carter.

Eh, at least I made some money while evolving into a bad boy.

Here's to Gary Carter and a commitment to ageless standards. May you continue to make great new memories for you fans and admirerers.

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